The Practice of Not Possessing

I didn’t intend to write a series on practices, but I seem to have done that. This is the last one, or maybe the next to the last one…

For me, this series has reflected my progression in these practices from noticing, to appreciating, and then to not needing to control or possess. In the language of spiritual practices this last one is sometimes called, “detachment”. That word and concept were difficult for me to understand. For a long time I thought detachment meant not caring. If I detached from something, or someone, it meant I didn’t care.

Finally, after a fair amount of thinking and pondering, it finally dawned on me. When people talk about detachment they often mean giving up control over outcomes and control over people and things. I don’t know about you, but I can get overly invested in outcomes. For most of my life, it was important that things proceed in the way that I thought was best. This was related to my feeling of responsibility for people and things around me. The practice of detachment helps me have an appropriate sense of responsibility for the world around me.

It was disconcerting to experience the reality that people and things did just fine without my “help”. And then it was freeing. And stress reducing. And joy creating. Relationships improved. Life improved.

For example, people talk about finding your forever home, the perfect house for you. I now live in the fourth house I have owned. So much for a forever home.

My current house was built in 1928. Many people have lived in and cared for and loved this house before me. I live here now and love it and care for it. There will be people who love it and care for it after me. This is true for all the houses I have lived in. People come and go, the house remains.

I am regularly grateful that I am the current resident and caretaker of this house and city plot of land. I have done a lot of work here, both inside and out- remodeling rooms, putting in new floors, planting the gardens. I think I could walk away, with little regret, being grateful for the experience.

I use the language of “my house” and “my yard” but it’s only mine to care for- for a while. No matter how long we live someplace, we’re caretakers more than owners. Globally and locally we are caretakers not possessors.

The practice of detachment helps me resist the burden of possessions and the associated need to acquire and protect them. I find myself wanting less and less. I can have things and enjoy them and then I can gracefully let them go.

The practice of detachment helps me to accept and appreciate people as they are. While there are situations I can help with and ways I can be supportive, a person has the primary responsibility for their own life. If I am not continually trying to manage and fix people, I can rejoice in their successes. I can appreciate people in all their complexity.

Psalm 24 begins

“The earth is the Lord’s and all that is in it, the world, and those who live in it; for he has founded it on the seas, and established it on the rivers.

I’m still not very fond of the word, “detachment” but I do appreciate the practice of it. This practice of detachment is still difficult for me. I need to be attentive and self aware, otherwise I slip back into bad habits. When I can remember that the earth is the Lord’s and therefore not mine, I can look around me and appreciate the people and things in my life.