Don’t be afraid- to doubt

“If it’s repeated it must be important.”¹

You will notice that this week’s gospel reading from Luke is quite similar to last week’s reading from John.² Jesus “stood among them and said [to them], ‘peace be with you’.” Jesus shows them his wounds, he talks about the forgiveness of sins, and gives or promises the power of the Holy Spirit. If it’s repeated, it must be important. What’s important in this text?

While they were talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.” They were startled and terrified, and thought that they were seeing a ghost. He said to them, “Why are you frightened, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet; see that it is I myself. Touch me and see: for a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you see that I have.” And when he had said this, he showed them his hands and his feet. While in their joy they were disbelieving and still wondering he said to them, “Have you anything here to eat?” They gave him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate in their presence.

Then he said to them, “These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you-that everything written about me in the law of Moses, the prophets, and the psalms must be fulfilled.” Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures, and he said to them.”Thus it is written, that the Messiah is to suffer and to rise from the dead on the third day, and that repentance and forgiveness of sins is to be proclaimed in his name to all nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. And see, I am sending upon you what my Father promised; so stay here in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.” Luke 24:36b-49 NRSV³

What I find so interesting is the response of the disciples when they see Jesus. They are “startled”, “terrified”, and “frightened”. They have “doubts” and are “disbelieving”, and “still wondering”. And only once, in all these emotions, are they described as “in their joy”. The disciples, after spending three years with Jesus and now seeing him risen, are, well, startled, terrified, and frightened. No one, not one says, “Oh, there you are Jesus! Just like we expected.”

All of this should be reassuring for us. It is for me. The disciples didn’t understand. They were confused. They got things wrong – more than once. And Jesus doesn’t give up on them. Jesus continues to help them “understand the scriptures”. He sends the Spirit who will continue to help them and us understand the amazing and unexpected way of Jesus.

Sometimes people are criticised for having questions and doubts. Sometimes people are judged by the perceived strength of their faith. People are chastised for “deconstructing” their faith. People are sometimes told the only choice is either complete unquestioning acceptance of what they have been told or atheism. No middle ground.

But beloved, Jesus meets the disciples in the confused, frightening, and joyful reality of being human. They are terrified and joyful. They have doubts. They are not made perfect in faith and then sent out. They are sent out as imperfect people. They get some things right and other things wrong. They are works in progress, always growing, and changing.

It is okay to ask questions. It is okay to not understand everything or even most things. It is okay to change your mind as you grow in faith and understanding. It is okay to live with questions.

“Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” Ranier Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

1. My New Testament seminary professor, Warren Carter said this to us, repeatedly. ↩︎
2. John 20:19-31, https://conversationinfaith.com/2024/04/05/rethinking-doubting-thomas/ ↩︎
3. The lectionary reading stops at verse 48 for some reason, cutting off Jesus’ last sentence. I have included verse 49 to let Jesus finish his statement. ↩︎