Neither Enemy Nor Friend

I am writing this the day before Election Day in the United States. I don’t know what the outcome of the election will be. Like many of you, I have been thinking about life after the election. I have spent time thinking about how we overcome what’s been called toxic polarization. In this election there has been a lot of talk about “the enemy within” and enemies in general.¹ Dictionary. com defines an enemy as “a person who feels hatred for, fosters harmful designs against, or engages in antagonistic activities against another; an adversary or opponent.” Naming someone as an enemy is a serious statement.

On Election Day and the days after there will be a lot of talk about bridging divides and ideas about how we can all get along and calls for us all to be friends now that the election is over. There will be talk about forgiveness and reconciliation. To be clear, I’m all for forgiveness and reconciliation.² Too often our attempts at forgiveness and reconciliation haven’t progressed much past the grade school “say you’re sorry and go play” type of forgiveness. As you may know, true forgiveness and reconciliation is difficult work and takes time- often a lot of time.

The divides in our nation are often more than differences of opinion. You may have seen the meme, “We no longer have a difference of opinion. We have a difference in morality.” The following quote is from Robert P. Jones, “White Too Long” Substack³

There are things about which, we just can’t ignore or pretend that real differences don’t exist. Yet, Christians have an extra task. Jesus is quite clear.

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and not your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors and sinners do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48 NRSV

And in Luke from the sermon on the plain:

But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If anyone strikes you on the check, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do God’s, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Luke 6: 27-36 NRSV

What are we to do? Jesus assumes we will have substantial disagreements with people. He assumes we will have enemies. I don’t have a fool proof and complete answer to how we overcome our serious divides. I do have a couple of thoughts.

I think our response to people needs to be dependent upon our relationship with them and their (and our) influence in society. I don’t know Donald Trump or JD Vance or any Christian nationalist “influencers” They aren’t going to be in conversation or relationship with me. I can’t have an impact on them or the larger society. I’m not going to fix anything on a national level.

However in my day to day life, I live in a community with a sizable number of conservative evangelical Christians. And those are people I will have to live my life with. As I think about them, I have this to say to them.

You may consider me your enemy. I’m not your enemy. I do not hate you. I do not wish you harm. I do not “foster harmful designs against you” (as the Dictionary.com definition reads.)

At the same time, we may not be able to be friends. If you deny the right of trans and queer people to live their lives as the people they are, you are not a safe person for my friends and family and myself to be around and we cannot be friends. If you want to deny women the right to vote or the right to make decisions about our lives, you are not a safe person for my friends and family and myself to be around. We cannot be friends. If you want to make the “Christian” case that slavery was just not that bad. We cannot be friends. I could go on, but you get the idea⁴. These statements don’t mean that I wish harm to you. And this doesn’t necessarily mean we can never talk over a cup of coffee. If you are willing to engage in good faith, we can try and we will see how things go. We may be able to be acquaintances and perhaps even friendly, but it will take a lot of time and effort before it’s possible for us to be friends.

Even though we are not friends, I am not your enemy. And so know that If you are hungry or unhoused, I will do my best to help you find food and safe shelter. I will work for a society where you have access to affordable health care, and a job that pays a living wage. I want you to have access to a good education, and to clean water and air. I want you to have freedom of religion and speech. I want you to read the books you want to read. I don’t want you unjustly detained or imprisoned. I don’t want you to be harassed when you walk down the street or go to the store. I want you to be able to flourish. I do not wish you harm. I am not your enemy.

If you can manage to not with harm to the people I love and care about; if you can work for these same things for the people I care about, we can begin a relationship. We don’t need to agree on exactly how we solve our society’s problems, but we need to be able to speak with civility and kindness.

It’s taken us years, decades even, to reach this point of division and mistrust. And so I suspect it will take us years, even decades to heal. I do believe that God desires reconciliation between humans and between humans and God. Forgiveness and reconciliation and shalom are possible. Not easy. But possible. Today I am thankful for that possibility. I am willing to try. I hope you are also.

1. By way of example, here’s two articles, one from the Washington Post and one from Politifact ↩︎
2. Here are some previous blog posts on the topic, https://conversationinfaith.com/2010/04/17/forgiveness/
   https://conversationinfaith.com/2011/05/09/forgiveness-2/ ↩︎
3. This post is dated Oct 29, 2024 and you can read the entire post here ↩︎
4. I am not making these examples up. I have read and listened to people who make these claims and worse. I’m not going to link to them because these ideas don’t need more attention. You can find them easily enough using your favorite search engine. ↩︎